2nd story thread

[the_slayer]

Matlu blinked his eyes open to the sound of Suzi Quattro crooning out from his radio.  A brief look of glazed resignation flashed across his face as he realised he was going to have to get up.  Unfurling the duvet his legs swung with a thud onto the wooden floor, and plodded themselves pendulously across his room to his wardrobe.  Vest, T-shirt, trousers, a quick glance of egotistical admiration in his mirror, and he trooped towards his front door to face the day.  Just as he was about to turn the handle he jumped back shock as the door bell rang - 'spooky', he thought.  A quick twist and pull, and there standing in front of him was...

...Julius Caesar! Complete in a white toga and a red cape, the Emperor of Rome advanced towards matlu, his face expressionless. Matlu looked shocked, and took a step back. Caesar stopped as a slight smile grew on his handsome face and spoke 'Hello. I am collecting for the society of The Research of Ancient Rome. Would you care to make a contribution?' A look of disgust formed on matlu's face as he slapped the collector and slammed the door in his face. Matlu sighed audibly and turned around, and to his disbelief, there was a... 

hoard of ferrets. standing in his room.  one of the ferrets steped forword.  he stated, "I am quenzok, leader of the feronites.  we came from the moon, and our civilization is much more advanced then yours.  we traveled here at 3 times the speed of light because we heard you slamed our offer of peace in our face.  we revived your "julius ceasar" for you and what do you do? deny him.  well this means war." as he turned to his troops, "lets head back our home planet, the moon, and gather the troops."  as they left, matlu knew there was only one thing he could do...

...he had to prance around like a pony because he knew a ferret's biggest fear was a prancing pony. As he began to put on his pracing shoes, he tripped and saw an ant on the ground. In a very squeaky voice the ant said "I am t3h 0wnz3r0r! Ph33r m3!" Matlu jumped back onto feet in astonishment, crushed the ant, and then began to prance. Then all of a sudden, his... 

feet exploded! he walked over to the hospital on his hands as fast as he could.  once he got there, they told him there was nothing they could do.  but then he flashed em a 10, and they got strait to work! they replaced his feet with... 


Pie. Blueberry pie. As he walked around, you could hear the squish squish. Luckily, matlu has the ability to lick his toes, and lets just say he was licking them a lot more often now. Suddenly, as he was licking his toes, a dinosaur came out of no where and said "Wheres my momma?" and matlu replied "Right behind you". So the dinosaur looked behind him and his mom was there. "Thanks a lot pal" said the dinosaur. "No problem, its what I do" replied matlu. Feeling accomplished, matlu began to lick his toes again when suddenly quenzok, the leader of all ferrets, appeared out of no where and ask him...


have you accepted our peace offer yet? this is your last chance." knowing he hadnt contacted ceasar, he decided to lie, in an attempt to save earth. "yes, i donated $1000." but quenzok knew he was lieing, seeing as he could read minds, but since matlu didnt know about this power, quenzok decided to be sneaky...


quenzok than asked matlu to go on a quest. In this quest he had to find the netherland ranch. Which there he had to save quenzoks son who was 7 years old. On the quest matlu found a knight with a magic sword. and the knight with the magic sword said "if you beat me in a battle you get the magic sword for all eternity". Than after matlu kills the knight, he prances over to the netherland ranch and as Matlu walks in the door he hears a scream. As he listened in shock


he hears the kidnapper screaming at onitikmo (queznoks son), because the knight that was suppost to bring him the sword of ageing that ages anything it hits 1000 years.  matlu, hearing this decides to do something drastic! he... 



...was about to use a cheat *GASP* when the computer suddenly switched off. Matlu, realising he is back in reality, was disgusted at the power cut. Matlu made himself some breakfast, and suddenly the doorbell rang. Matlu trundled towards the door, opened it, and there was Julius Caesar! Complete in a white toga and a red cape, the Emperor of Rome advanced towards matlu, his face expressionless. Matlu looked shocked, and took a step back. Caesar stopped as a slight smile grew on his handsome face and spoke 'Hello. I am collecting for the society of The Research of Ancient Rome. Would you care to make a contribution?' A look of disgust formed on matlu's face as he slapped the collector and slammed the door in his face. Matlu sighed audibly and turned around, and to his disbelief, there was a...

...buggy, just as in Cyber Battles, puffing out exhaust all over his apartment. He grabbed the nearest light sabre, knowing it would bring up his attack points and increase his percentage of winning. He attacked the buggy with all of his might, and in awe at it not dieing he said: "WTF!?! Hax!! 2 defense, and 7 attack!!?!" As he ran to his computer to post about a Hax0r, the buggy suddenly... 

...exploded, showering the apartment with debris. Matlu's force shield saved him from the flying metal car parts. Matlu got in his car, and drove to work, whistling the theme song to the Simpsons. As he turned the corner into the car park, matlu's jaw dropped as he saw a... 


...inconveniently placed mutant mount, making Matlu engage in combat, blocking him from his parking spot. This unconventional sight didn't delay Matlu for long, as thinking quickly he called upon his ship to beam a... 

probe. The probe had no effect on the situation, and the mount quickly destroyed the probe. Matlu let out an angry moan and had to dispatch of this fiend or else he would be late for work. There was only one way matlu could win. Matlu decided to...

...Eat some beef jerky. Not because it would improve the situation, just because it made him feel more manly. Matlu then turned around, stood with his hands on his hips and laughed like a pirate until the mutant mount got embarrassed and sulked away. Matlu then dusted his hands off and stepped inside his office, noticing with pleasure that the doors opened automatically for him because he was so great.
But around the corner was something so terrifying that our hero gave a slight shudder, it was... 

...Julius Caesar! The Roman Hero wasn't too happy about the events earlier in the day. He slowly strode towards matlu, drawing his sword. Caesar swiped at matlu, however matlu rolled under his outstreched sword arm, and, whilst issuing a high-pitched scream, karate chopped Caesar on the neck. Caesar fell down, knocked out by matlu's ninja skills. Matlu straightened his tie casually and continued down the office... 

...However, the events of that day were not yet over. Upon arriving at his office, Matlu found two men in black suits waiting for him. Matlu calmly asked "Can I help you sirs?".
Upon hearing this admirable statement from the greatest man alive, one of the suits stepped forward and said "___". He then opened his mouth and Matlu could clearly see he had no tongue.
Matlu let out a scream of rage and punched the first man in the colon for wasting his time. Then span round and broke the other guy in half before throwing the pieces of both mutes out the window.
Matlu drank some coffee to calm down and said to himself; "What the hell was..." 

"...ults doing in my office? I know he has bad grammar, but now I understand why." Matlu chuckled to himself and rejoiced that he had quit ( ). Suddenly, he heard a knocking on the door. He hesitated for a moment, knowing it would probably be more trouble. After thinking it over, he opened the door and was immediately pounced upon by...

the_ slayer matlu quickly ran to ults for his blaster but  the_slayer took out a light sabre and  called for his sith fleet of evil ppl to attack matlu after matlu being captured the_slayer went to his hq via teleport then destroyed the teleporter via com link while matlu was in his contaiment field he thought... 

continue from that post ill have parsley delete posts that i dont want

[eddie]

... dam, ults is such a douchbag for making a new name and pretending its not him.  just then, the ceiling collapsed on ults, killing him, then the_slayer dissapeared, because they are 1 in the same

[Bakster]

Matlu woke up. Matlu lied in his bed, sweating profusely. Suddenly, a giant eraser crashed through the ceiling, and rubbed matlu out of the story. A giant booming voice was heard "We've had enough of matlu. His character sucks."
He was replaced by a man with no name, only known as 'The Guest'. The Guest got up, and tripped over his own elbow (Don't ask me how). Guest pulled himself to his feet, and smoothed down his naturally pink hair. He slowly walked downstairs, only to be greeted by...

[The_Gu3st]

... and then ults admitted he was the slayer and ate giant bowls of soup.

[eddie]

...chicken soup...

[The_Gu3st]

with whipped cream.

[Love]

Bakster stood on The Guest. Bakster smiled at the satisfying "squelch", and ate the remains of The Guest.