Jokes!

[Bakster]

(This joke got the most laughs from people in England according to a scientific study on jokes.)

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.  One starts to insult the other one.  He screams, "I slept with your mother!"  The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.  The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"  The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."

[Dodger]

I would hate to meet the Brits that found that funny.

[Bakster]

I found it reasonably funny.

[Dodger]

  It's about weasels...

[ultswordsman]

lol

[Bakster]

One day a doctor calls an elderly man and tells him he has some good news and some bad news about his condition. The doctor says, "I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The old man says,"That's the good news?! Then what's the bad news?" The doctor calmly replies,"I was supposed to tell you yesterday."

[Parsley]

Paddy & Seamus are in a life raft, floating in the middle of the ocean.

Paddy spies a lantern floating in the water, scoops it up, gives it a quick rub and *pouff*, a genie appears and offers him one wish.

Paddy says, 'Oh, that's easy, I wish the entire ocean were Guinness'

The genies clicks his fingers, and the entire ocean turns to murky stout.

Seamus stares at Paddy in disbelief, and slaps him hard on the back of the head, shouting, 'What the hell did you do that for Paddy Now we're going to have to piss in the boat...'

[Stitchy_11]

Whys a woman like a floor tile? If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for the rest of your life!....p.s. good thing my gf has more of a life than i do so she'll never read this!

[Dodger]

Ahem....Topic is called "One Joke Every Day".

Not one joke every hour 

[Stitchy_11]

So there are three babies, all unborn, sitting in their mothers tummy discussing wut they want to be when they grow up....the first says " I wanna be a plumber" the others ask why and he replies " Because im tired of living in crap!" The second baby says " I wanna be an electrician " the others ask why and he replies " Because im tired of living in the dark ". The first and second baby look at the third baby and ask. "What are you gonna be when you grow big?" He replies " I'm gonna be a hunter " the otheres ask "Why the heck would you wanna be a hunter?" so he says " SO I CAN CATCH THAT GOD DAMN WEASEL WHO KEEPS POPPING HIS HEAD IN AND OUT OF HERE!!!!"

[Dodger]

Now that is funny.

[Bakster]

Ahem....Topic is called "One Joke Every Day".

Not one joke every hour 

I reverse-counter-legsweep your quote with my own quote!

You can all post jokes too as much as you like, but I will stick to posting a joke a day!

[Bakster]

A lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, "What is your name?" "I can't tell you" the black man says. Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?" I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me." says the black man. "There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says. "Fine, my name is Snow!" the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, the black man gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of it". The lady replied, "I'm not making fun of your name.I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow everyday in Jamaica!"

If you get this joke, then you are an idiot who sucks!

[ultswordsman]

lol i get it

[Bakster]

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer, and the bartender says, "That'll be four cents, please." The guy nearly spits out his beer. "Four cents?!" he says in amazement. "How much for a plate of fish and chips with extra mashed potatoes and gravy and a side order of peas?" "Eleven cents," says the bartender. The customer says he's going to recommend this place to all of his friends because of the low prices. "Wow!" he exclaims. "Where's the manager so I can thank him for these low prices and shake his hand?" "Upstairs," says the bartender, "with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" the customer asks. "Same thing I'm doing to his bar and his money," the bartender calmly replies.