Best Novel Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[flamingdragon]

I have to write a 10,000-20,000 word novel for my English class by the end of the month and i'm going to share it here because I have nothing else to do. And so you can comment on it, give me suggestions, and to make fun of it (Bakster). It is just a first draft that I need to do though and it won't even be read. I also don't have that many quotes. So far, all I have is the prologue and a word count of 333.


Prologue:
In the age of old there was once an Empire known as Mekanakor. They were at war with the Evil Hakarion Empire. The armies were currently concentrating most of their efforts in the province of Chakmoore. They were fighting over the ancient relic of Hara-Nor. Its mystical powers granted immortality to all who unleashed its power. It was hidden deep in the old city which Chakmoore was built over. Recently, the Hakarion Empire was winning the battle and had gained control of the city.

A young officer of the Mekanakor Empire named Tanas was sent out with a small force to infiltrate the old city and capture the relic. They had to break through dozens of enemy soldiers to get there. They set off through the streets. When they found the entrance, it was heavily guarded. They looked around some and found a hidden passageway that led down to the old city. After walking hundreds of steps in pitch darkness, they came to some light. They saw a few enemy soldiers. They easily took them out, and grabbed one of their torches. They continued deeper down, until eventually they came to a chamber with hundreds of Hakarion soldiers inside. They found a hidden spot where they could spy on what was going on in the chamber. The soldiers were gathering around an artifact, it was the relic of Harak-Nor which the two empires were fighting over.

“This is the moment of triumph; with this we shall finally destroy the Mekanakor Empire!” the General of the Hakarion troops said. The general touched the relic and it started to glow green and hum. Tanas and his soldiers knew that it would most likely be suicide, but they could not let the Hakarion’s get a hold of the power of the Hara-Nor. They charged into the chamber and attacked the Hakarion’s in the confusion of the relic. Just then, before anyone knew what was happening, the relic flashed a white light and then all went dark.

[haferhole1]

i dont read, so good luck with that, and dont expect anything from me.  i will of course give u some topic suggestions that u may be able to "work in"

• chuck norris
• monsters
• lumberjacks
• kevin federline
• haferhole1
• the dictionary seems to be very popular, try to work it in
• same goes with the bible
• flying spagetti monsters
• make it rhyme
• make fun of emo/goth/scene kids
• you can never use the letter "X" enough, it makes everything sound cool
• coupins (ron white reference, if uv ever herd of him)
• mimes getting pwned in soul caliber, then in real life

if 5 or more of those make it in, i might read it.  probobly not though, since i despise reading in all forms.  mabey if u put it on an mp3... nah, i got better music.  ah! put it in a play! then ill know what ur talkin bout

[flamingdragon]

I have considered your excellent topics but after rigorous thinking the only thing I can put in is monsters, which I was already going to put in.
Perhaps my next story I have to make I might be able to make it rhyme

And u read the posts on this forum all the time!

However I can make the prologue have 5 things right now! 

Prologue:
In the age of old there was once an Empire known as Mekanakor. They were at war with the Evil Hakarion Empire. The armies were currently concentrating most of their efforts in the province of Chakmoore. They were fighting over the ancient relic of Hara-Nor. Its mystical powers granted immortality to all who unleashed its power. It was hidden deep in the old city which Chakmoore was built over. Recently, the Hakarion Empire was winning the battle and had gained control of the city.

A young officer of the Mekanakor Empire named Tanas was sent out with a small force to infiltrate the old city and capture the relic. They had to break through dozens of enemy soldiers to get there. They set off through the streets. When they found the entrance, it was heavily guarded. They looked around some and found a hidden passageway that led down to the old city. After walking hundreds of steps in pitch darkness, they came to some light. They saw a few enemy soldiers. They easily took them out, and grabbed one of their torches. They continued deeper down, until eventually they came to a chamber with hundreds of Hakarion soldiers inside. They found a hidden spot where they could spy on what was going on in the chamber. The soldiers were gathering around an artifact, it was the relic of Harak-Nor which the two empires were fighting over.

“This is the moment of triumph; with this we shall finally destroy the Mekanakor Empire!” the General of the Hakarion troops said. The general touched the relic and it started to glow green and hum. Tanas and his soldiers knew that it would most likely be suicide, but they could not let the Hakarion’s get a hold of the power of the Hara-Nor. Just then Chuch Norris jumped in and karated them all to death, then a monster came through the walls and fought him. Chuck Norris was winning when, a flying spaghetti monster came and sided with the other monster. C.N. was doomed, but then a lumberjack came to his rescue. Then the lumber jack said, "xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx", then the Hakarion soldiers came back to life and killed all four of them.[/b] They charged into the chamber and attacked the Hakarion’s in the confusion of the relic. Just then, before anyone knew what was happening, the relic flashed a white light and then all went dark.


Is that good enough for u?

[haferhole1]

i read the short posts, after they get to be long, i ignore them, and the bold print that i read was exelent literature, keep it up

[The_Crusade]

I have to write a 10,000-20,000 word novel for my English class by the end of the month and i'm going to share it here because I have nothing else to do. And so you can comment on it, give me suggestions, and to make fun of it (Bakster). It is just a first draft that I need to do though and it won't even be read. I also don't have that many quotes. So far, all I have is the prologue and a word count of 333.


Prologue:
In the age of old there was once an Empire known as Mekanakor. They were at war with the Evil Hakarion Empire. The armies were currently concentrating most of their efforts in the province of Chakmoore. They were fighting over the ancient relic of Hara-Nor. Its mystical powers granted immortality to all who unleashed its power. It was hidden deep in the old city which Chakmoore was built over. Recently, the Hakarion Empire was winning the battle and had gained control of the city.

A young officer of the Mekanakor Empire named Tanas was sent out with a small force to infiltrate the old city and capture the relic. They had to break through dozens of enemy soldiers to get there. They set off through the streets. When they found the entrance, it was heavily guarded. They looked around some and found a hidden passageway that led down to the old city. After walking hundreds of steps in pitch darkness, they came to some light. They saw a few enemy soldiers. They easily took them out, and grabbed one of their torches. They continued deeper down, until eventually they came to a chamber with hundreds of Hakarion soldiers inside. They found a hidden spot where they could spy on what was going on in the chamber. The soldiers were gathering around an artifact, it was the relic of Harak-Nor which the two empires were fighting over.

“This is the moment of triumph; with this we shall finally destroy the Mekanakor Empire!” the General of the Hakarion troops said. The general touched the relic and it started to glow green and hum. Tanas and his soldiers knew that it would most likely be suicide, but they could not let the Hakarion’s get a hold of the power of the Hara-Nor. They charged into the chamber and attacked the Hakarion’s in the confusion of the relic. Just then, before anyone knew what was happening, the relic flashed a white light and then all went dark.

I enjoy creative writing myself, but as a hobby, nothing more. I also read a lot of fantasy books. This is rushed way too much, you could expand these paragraphs a lot more with good description. The story is practically over and you have only used less than 5% of the words required. You should also develop the background a lot more in the first paragraph(s).

"They set off through the streets." This sentence alone could be described and expanded to possibly 3 or 4 paragraphs.

"They looked around some and found a hidden passageway that led down to the old city." See above.

"They easily took them out" How? Did they just wave their hands and they died? Magic? Swords? I think a description here is absolutely fundamental.

I'm no English Teacher or anything, but as I'm reading this story, it seems so lame and basic.

I was going to refer you to a story I wrote long ago, the main characters were Dodger and Guest, but I can't find it. It's nowhere near perfect, but you should see my amazing descriptive skills. 

[Dodger]

Our story was awesome.

[The_Crusade]

Our story was awesome.

I was the only one who wrote it...and can you find it Mr Computer God? It seems to have disappeared...

[flamingdragon]

I enjoy creative writing myself, but as a hobby, nothing more. I also read a lot of fantasy books. This is rushed way too much, you could expand these paragraphs a lot more with good description. The story is practically over and you have only used less than 5% of the words required. You should also develop the background a lot more in the first paragraph(s).

"They set off through the streets." This sentence alone could be described and expanded to possibly 3 or 4 paragraphs.

"They looked around some and found a hidden passageway that led down to the old city." See above.

I also read A LOT of fantasy books. I see your point I am going a lot to fast, it took me two days to figure out what to write about. But it doesn't matter really all that much since my teacher isn't even reading it, I could put what I did in bold for hafer in the story and he wouldn't know. I'm not though because i'm trying to make a good story, but I suck at descriptions. I will try to include more details, and try to get a lot more quotes in there. But the story isn't almost over that was just the prologue, actually I don't know if its almost over or not because i'm making it up as I go.

"They easily took them out" How? Did they just wave their hands and they died? Magic? Swords? I think a description here is absolutely fundamental.
I'm no English Teacher or anything, but as I'm reading this story, it seems so lame and basic.

They easily took them out because I said they did!!! 

[The_Crusade]

So you have an essay to write and nobody reads it? Wtf?

When I write stories, I always improvise as I go along too, planning is boring.

[flamingdragon]

So you have an essay to write and nobody reads it? Wtf?

He's doing it for 2 classes, making 40 people.
Do u have any idea how long it would take for one teacher to read 40 15,000 word stories?

When I write stories, I always improvise as I go along too, planning is boring.

I concur.

[Dodger]

Dodger's Story:

I wrote this two years ago for English Coursework, and I think it's pretty bad ass. I own at life.

__________________________________________________________________________

The clouds parted, revealing the bright, glowing full moon. A dull eerie glow was cast over the silent graveyard.
Suddenly there was an ear-piecing scream that made the hairs on the back of Harrison’s neck stand on end. The scream was cut short however, and silence once again engulfed the graves. Harrison picked up the pace, dodging in-between the gravestones, straining his ears to pick up the slightest noise. His eyes frantically scanned the ground and darkness in front, searching for anything that might lead him to the source of the noise.
A cloud drifted effortlessly in front of the moon, plunging Harrison and his surroundings into complete darkness.
“Oh bugger” he whispered with meaning.
Suddenly Harrison walked into something in the dark,
“Who’s there?” He said hoarsely.
Out of the darkness a match flared, the figure was holding it close to his face.
“S’me” spoke the familiar voice of Harrison’s partner, Wilson.
“Alright Stan” continued Harrison, as if their unexpected meeting was nothing out of the ordinary. The match that Wilson now held at arms length flickered and died.
“What’s happened?” Harrison whispered softly, “Why aren’t you waiting for the backup?”
“Don’t move!” said a gruff voice, sharply in Harrison’s ear. A smooth cold blade silently appeared at Harrison’s throat.
“Are you sure you want to be doing this?” Harrison asked calmly.
“I’ll ask the questions I think” said the voice harshly, “what are you doing here?”
Harrison’s elbow shot back like a piston, jabbing the attacker sharply in the stomach.
Harrison swung around quickly and, the attacker, in his own private world of pain, lowered his head protectively, causing it to connect forcibly with Harrison’s knee, which was travelling in the other direction.
The attacker staggered backwards and tripped over, banging his head on a gravestone.
“Hmmm…” said Harrison reflectively, watching the prone body. The man didn’t get back up.
“I did warn him,” said Harrison turning to face his partner. There was a gap in the foreground, where Wilson should be, but he had disappeared.
Suddenly a great blast of flame appeared in the distance, spiralling into the air.
“Damn” said Harrison, as the darkness got even blacker and Harrison was left with a white shape etched on the back of his eyelids.
He started to stumble towards the direction of the flames, “What the hell is going on?” he said to himself.
Harrison wandered on amidst the graves, maybe if he had been paying more careful attention, or if the fire had not made him lose his human night vision, then Harrison might have noticed that some of the shadows by the side of his path were a little too dark. He didn’t however, not until it was too late, two men, clothed in black jumped him from either side. Harrison reacted quickly, kicking the first man, hard in between the legs, leaving him writhing on the floor. Harrison had heard people talk of fighting fair, and had decided he wanted no part of it. The second man was quick however and Harrison heard the dull sound of wood hitting a head, his own head. He slumped forward.

“Urgh” Groaned Harrison as he came round. For the moment he kept his eyes closed, concentrating, which made his head ache. He seemed to be sat at ninety degrees,
“I wonder how this happened,” He thought to himself, but that can wait until later.
The ground underneath Harrison was icy cold and slightly wet, and he could feel something hard behind his head. Slightly pleased with this process of deduction, still keeping his eyes closed, he tried to move his arm upwards, but nothing happened. He tried his other arm, nothing.
“Hmmm…” said Harrison.
“Nice of you to join us.” Muttered Wilson.
Harrison opened his eyes; he was still in the graveyard. He glanced down; his arms and upper body were tightly bound to, what he could only think was, a gravestone.
Next to him Wilson was tied likewise.
“You’ve been out cold twenty minutes,” Wilson informed him, “they tied us up”
“Really?” Harrison said sarcastically. “Who’s they?” he continued.
“Well…from what I’ve worked out myself…we really don’t want to be involved in this”
“What do you mean?” Said Harrison Cautiously.
“Shhh,” hissed Wilson “their coming” His eyes were transfixed on the lip of the hill, about half a league away.
Harrison could hear drums coming from the same direction. They were slowly getting louder.
“Look Wilson, what’s happening around here?”
“I’m afraid we might be going to find out.” Replied Harrison’s partner fearfully.
___________________________________________________________________________

I myself, love descriptions, and descriptive adjectives. As you may well see 

[The_Crusade]

Description owns. Not bad at all. I'll give it an E- 

LOL

[Dodger]

Well, it got an A. Noob.

[The_Crusade]

Haha Nice

[Dodger]

But seriously, did you like it? Looking back over it I can see a few improvements could have been made, but it's better that Dragon's right? ()